“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 149-13-14

God knew us before our mothers’ womb. He knew us before we were even a thought. We have been wanted throughout our history regardless of parentage or current circumstance. We were NEVER an accident or mistake. We were not unscheduled or unplanned. We have always, and will always be wanted—despite how we may feel now.

Thankfully I have always felt wanted, a part of a family whose love was never conditional or hidden. I was born into love. Verse 13: check. I’m on board. I get it. I believe it.

The whole, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” part (Verse 14) is still undecided. As much as I want to believe that I am beautiful as God’s creation, I don’t think that I’ve felt beautiful a day in my life. It’s a weird position to be in. If any friend (or stranger!) told me that they felt ugly or not beautiful, I would tell them that they are mistaken. I would list all of their beautiful qualities, rehash a million stories to the contrary, and make sure that they left that conversation knowing that I thought they were wonderful.

I would not rest until they saw (even a piece of) their beauty. And yet, I would never give this same talk to myself. I’ve been my own worst enemy, the queen of self-doubt, for as long as I can remember. I cannot remember a time that I felt worthy. Sure, I’ve had accomplishments and taken some pretty pictures. But I’ve never felt enough. Not smart enough, skinny enough, or good enough.

But our Father God tells us that we were enough before our existence. We are His and that is nothing to be ashamed about. Instead of assessing ourselves against current beauty standards, the accolades of older siblings and friends, money made or degrees earned–let us live beautifully.

For me this looks like daily gratitudes, prayers for grace and mercy, and conversations or journaling. Ask for His strength to get through this place. Seek to see all things–including yourself–through His eyes.

Look to Him for comfort. I’m not gonna lie, this has been an almost daily intention for me. But the beauty of it all is that He is with me on this journey. No matter how long it takes. He’s got all the time in he world. God loves us unconditionally. He created us with a purpose even if we have yet to figure out exactly where our life will lead us.

You are beautiful. You are wonderful.

Father God, be with me today and everyday. Remind me of your love for me when I feel shame, disappointment, or loneliness. Be my strength and comfort as I walk this journey to discover my purpose. Allow me to see my beauty as one of your wonderful creations. Amen.